"I hate this." "Yeah. This is going to be unpleasant."

Another 30 Rock quote, another life truth. Living with an abusive alcoholic was unpleasant; living on my own for the first time in a while is unpleasant in entirely different ways. I've recently realized, in an it-hit-me-like-a-ton-of-bricks way, that I'm codependent. No other single word better covers my history of relationships than that one. I've always used a relationship as a substitute for living my life. I've always used time with another person--either time spent physically with them or mentally obsessing over them--as a substitute for time spent on myself. Now, I'm consciously making active choices every day to be healthy and to take care of myself. There's no quick fix for it, though. Sometimes, the only way through it is through it. Hence, the 30 Rock quote.