better healthcare
no gun craziness
no open container law
super easy international travel
more liberal society
crazy awesome ethnic foods
sweet public transit
accents
multiple languages for your kids to be brought up in
more exercise/walking around/walkable cities
better social services (i.e., counseling, crisis centers)
ridiculously cheaper higher education
the ability to dress like a slut without being labeled a slut
regarding family back in the states: absence makes the heart grow fonder
richer history
Friday, December 25, 2009
In defense of disturbed souls
I trust people who have experiences and are a bit messed up from them more than I trust people who are normal but don't have experiences or stories to tell.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
It's not just unfair to yourself to stay hung up on an ex; it's also hugely unfair to other people who come into your life, people who might be looking for just you. You know your ex has made a definitive choice to go, but you don't know who might be waiting to make the choice to come in or stay. Let the door be closed. Give them the uncompromising exit they asked for. "If they're dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them go."
I wish there were a computer search engine capable of combing through all of my old online conversations and picking out the most brilliant things I've said. Then again, if a machine were capable of detecting brilliance, it probably wouldn't be long before it also developed the capability of manufacturing brilliance. If that were to happen, brilliance would lose its value.
Some of the most story-worthy things I've done.
If you want the whole story, you'll have to buy the book. Once I get around to writing it.
-hopping onto the back of a stranger's motorcycle at night in Athens, Greece, and riding until we found a crepes place
-watching President Barack Obama's inauguration from the National Mall in Washington, DC
-making snow angels in the front yard of the Kenyon College chapel at 1am on the way home from the bar
-belting out all the words to Falco's "Vienna Calling" to the amazement of native Viennese while riding in a car through--you guessed it--Vienna on a Saturday night
-dancing on stage in a packed Bourbon Street, New Orleans jazz club to the entirety of "Baby Got Back"
-earning so many beads on Bourbon Street that I filled up a second suitcase
-collecting more beads than anyone on Mardi Gras in a gay bar in DC, without actually doing anything
-dear God-- so much crap in Vienna
-hopping onto the back of a stranger's motorcycle at night in Athens, Greece, and riding until we found a crepes place
-watching President Barack Obama's inauguration from the National Mall in Washington, DC
-making snow angels in the front yard of the Kenyon College chapel at 1am on the way home from the bar
-belting out all the words to Falco's "Vienna Calling" to the amazement of native Viennese while riding in a car through--you guessed it--Vienna on a Saturday night
-dancing on stage in a packed Bourbon Street, New Orleans jazz club to the entirety of "Baby Got Back"
-earning so many beads on Bourbon Street that I filled up a second suitcase
-collecting more beads than anyone on Mardi Gras in a gay bar in DC, without actually doing anything
-dear God-- so much crap in Vienna
This is why I'm weird.
1) Whenever I am near a wooded area or body of water, I wonder how many dead bodies there are in there.
2) I have a habit of throwing away fortune cookies without opening them. Nothing superstitious, I just don’t care to see what’s inside. Plus, they taste like sugar-coated cardboard.
3) When I was younger, I dreamed of being a figure skating choreographer. I would make up intricate partner routines using moves I learned about on televised competitions and then make my brother practice them with me on rollerblades in our basement.
4) I have sinus issues and often while eating rice, pineapple, or certain types of pasta, pieces get lodged inside my sinus cavity and I have to blow them out. Gross, and it hurts like a mofo.
5) I experience deep feelings of what I believe to be empathy for inanimate objects. For instance, if I see a wet leaf on the sidewalk that’s all by itself, I feel really sad for it. For one because it’s wet, and also because it doesn’t have any of its leaf friends alongside it.
6) I’ve been in Munich two years during Oktoberfest but have yet to actually go to Oktoberfest.
7) I spent my formative years wanting desperately to be Topanga from Boy Meets World.
2) I have a habit of throwing away fortune cookies without opening them. Nothing superstitious, I just don’t care to see what’s inside. Plus, they taste like sugar-coated cardboard.
3) When I was younger, I dreamed of being a figure skating choreographer. I would make up intricate partner routines using moves I learned about on televised competitions and then make my brother practice them with me on rollerblades in our basement.
4) I have sinus issues and often while eating rice, pineapple, or certain types of pasta, pieces get lodged inside my sinus cavity and I have to blow them out. Gross, and it hurts like a mofo.
5) I experience deep feelings of what I believe to be empathy for inanimate objects. For instance, if I see a wet leaf on the sidewalk that’s all by itself, I feel really sad for it. For one because it’s wet, and also because it doesn’t have any of its leaf friends alongside it.
6) I’ve been in Munich two years during Oktoberfest but have yet to actually go to Oktoberfest.
7) I spent my formative years wanting desperately to be Topanga from Boy Meets World.
Top However-Many-I-Come-Up-With: Worst Places to Propose
1) a funeral
2) from the bed of the person you just got caught cheating with
3) the free clinic after your tests came back positive
4) anywhere within 20 feet of a port-a-potty, or the stench of one
5) the morgue
6) at an AshleeSimpson/HilaryDuff/RyanCabrera concert. because seriously, why would you ever go to any of those?
7) on Twitter
8) inside Planned Parenthood
9) on a Bachelor/Bachelorette reunion episode
10) inside the chalk outline of a murder scene
11) at an exorcism
12) at a speed-dating event
2) from the bed of the person you just got caught cheating with
3) the free clinic after your tests came back positive
4) anywhere within 20 feet of a port-a-potty, or the stench of one
5) the morgue
6) at an AshleeSimpson/HilaryDuff/RyanCabrera concert. because seriously, why would you ever go to any of those?
7) on Twitter
8) inside Planned Parenthood
9) on a Bachelor/Bachelorette reunion episode
10) inside the chalk outline of a murder scene
11) at an exorcism
12) at a speed-dating event
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wonderful chat with Chris re: life and jobs
Chris: urgh I realize I have no marketable skills. this is SO annoying I hate applying for jobs
me: omg I KNOW
marketable being the key word
i'm in EXACTLY the same boat
1:35 PM as in i will have zero dollars when i return from germany, and somehow i still need to make loan, phone, and insurance payments
Chris: the only thing I could possible do is open a GermanPhilosophical consutancy agency and then turn all my sessions into play... me: hahahaha
du sprichst mir aus der seele
god im even forgetting german
Chris: seriously this is so annoying and I'm looking at places in London and they are RIDICULOUS this one place which I found is my dream house. Sold glass penthouse to RENT just to rent was 1800£
A WEEK
1:36 PM me: oh i believe it sista
Chris: that $12k a month
haha yeah my german is going a bit
I keep having these moments where I think: I'm just going to seel out and become a buisness person. But again I have NO skills
1:37 PM and it's so annoying b/c I know people who are working for banks/goldman sachs etc and they are STUPID and making 809398420 million dollars a min
me: i want to work educational conferences in dc again, but i feel kind of blacklisted because one session ended badly and i didnt get hired back the next summer
um YES
im having a hard time adjusting to the job world
Chris: seriously
urgh. I kind of wish I never left Vienna
1:38 PM me: people like you and me..it's like, well, I know im smart
shouldnt that be enough
haha
i can write you a creative piece
Chris: exactly!
me: um but marketable skills?
certifications/
?
Chris: it's so vexing
me: i feel like im in the same boat you are
1:39 PM and all of the supervisors ive had have been dumb as rocks with ZERO creativity
theyre just specialized
Chris: then I see my one friend who majored in "communications" and is working at a constulancy firm. I'm like "communications" wtf? I can talk to people. I use twitter.
it's SOOO annoying
I hate dumb supervisors
me: because they went to dumb people school where you can actually major in things like being an office worker
i know
1:40 PM it's such shit
Chris: EXACTLY!
me: it's hard to be like, well i majored in how to think
...
Chris: like in Vienna where you go to school to become a waiter.
well hell I could have done that if I was an unimaginative moron
me: hahaha
you are truly speaking my mind right now
1:41 PM you crack me up
Chris: thinking is dangerous! they only want people to think the same way they do
me: omg seriously
im kinda pissed that i got let go from my front desk job
it's like being dumped by a loser guy who wasn't good enough for you
Chris: haha
1:42 PM me: and it was based entirely on a feeling
Chris: I shouldn't worry about it. those people sounded like they didn't appreciate your natural genius anyway
me: my supervisor, who ironically was the ONLY person in the office i didnt actually do work for so who never saw what i was doing for gazillions of other university people, was like i dont get the feeling that youre the right fit for the position
everyone else was like wtf surprised
1:43 PM i went in 3 days later for something different in the building and they didnt know id been let go
they were like what? i thought you just took the day off
yeah it sucked
Chris: omg what asses these people are
1:44 PM me: it was 100% admin in the most formal business office at au
it's just their environment...it's very rigid and business-like
clinical
uptight
completely non-social
Chris: it's like the whole job world is the upside-down world of how things should be. If you're smart and creative you are fired but if you are a mindless drone with the intelligence of a 3 ton beluga whale then you are a "perfect fit"
1:45 PM me: hahahaha
everything you are saying is perfect
Chris: painful I can't deal with uptight clinical settings
me: the girl who...granted im really good friends with...but who is like the office darling and was making twice what i was went to the university of charleston
was drugged out the whole four years
Chris: haha it's just so frustrating in the past week I've applied to something like 8 jobs... haven't heard a thing back from them AHHHH and this time I'm actually doing somehting I have experience in like teaching
1:46 PM me: and asks me the meaning of basic vocab and idiomatic expressions i use
but a week isnt long
Chris: AHHH! wtf. I should have majored in STUPID when I went to college. I'd be a millionare
me: people take forever to get back
hahahaha
can i please quote you on fb?
1:47 PM Chris: I know I'm just really impatient now I have to leave bama.
haha but of course
me: because honestliy, this convo is making me feel so much better
less alone im what ive been thinking about since leaving vienna
Chris: yes venting is good
1:48 PM me: and dc, while i love it for its physical layout and its cultural hotspots, is probably one of the worst places work-wise for me to be in right now
because talk about bullshit office jobs
and corporate blah blah
it's the hub of all that i despise
1:49 PM Chris: yeah I imagine all the sentorial political wannabes are infernally annoying
1:50 PM I keep coming up with 5 year plans of my life. Basically I think now in 5 years if I don't have a good job, an extant social life etc etc I am just going to sell everything I have and move back to Vienna and die in a coffee house of old age
1:51 PM me: hahahaha
you are in fine form today chris martin
1:52 PM Chris: haha I just feel I need to vent. I really have an urge to walk into a glass store and break everything haha
maybe I should go bang some drums
1:53 PM me: hahahha
sorry im being the person i usually detest in just answering hahahha
but you are really making me laugh
the hahas are real
i want to like copy/paste the part about selling everything and dying in a vienna coffee house of old age
1:54 PM and make it my new religious beliefs on fb
Chris: HAHA brilliant
1:55 PM me: ive only been in ohio for about 18 hours and already im turning into an old person
i spent 30 minutes bird watching out the window
Chris: I don't know why I'm waiting until I'm 30... in fact I have often thought about going back to Vienna, but I feel now, so soon, it would be like giving up haha
me: there was a hawk
1:56 PM well money is definitely the factor for me
Chris: OMG I bird watched today too! haha there were all these birds migrating I guess and they were so noisy
me: i should be saving the only remaining $ i have left in this world and using it to eventually move there, not visit, but im impatient
haha nice
1:57 PM my mom and stepdad have like 6 bird feeders outside the back window
they get alllll kinds of birds and squirrels and chipmunks and hawks and groundhogs
i watched a squirrel drink from the dirty bird bath
and then watched the hawk try to eat a bird
Chris: haha delightful
me: did i tell you i pet a squirrel in dc???
1:58 PM Chris: mean nasty hawk, I do like them though
me: one of my life-long dreams, fulfilled
yeah but they have to eat too
1:59 PM im going to do something i havent done in years and exercise
theyve got a sort of home gym in their basement
Chris: oh nice!
I should exercise too but first I should have some lunch
me: sounds like something i would say
2:00 PM Chris: hehe a wise thing to say indeed
me: you sir are hilarious
Chris: the only thing that's amusing is the truth, for that's all I say hehe
me: omg I KNOW
marketable being the key word
i'm in EXACTLY the same boat
1:35 PM as in i will have zero dollars when i return from germany, and somehow i still need to make loan, phone, and insurance payments
Chris: the only thing I could possible do is open a GermanPhilosophical consutancy agency and then turn all my sessions into play... me: hahahaha
du sprichst mir aus der seele
god im even forgetting german
Chris: seriously this is so annoying and I'm looking at places in London and they are RIDICULOUS this one place which I found is my dream house. Sold glass penthouse to RENT just to rent was 1800£
A WEEK
1:36 PM me: oh i believe it sista
Chris: that $12k a month
haha yeah my german is going a bit
I keep having these moments where I think: I'm just going to seel out and become a buisness person. But again I have NO skills
1:37 PM and it's so annoying b/c I know people who are working for banks/goldman sachs etc and they are STUPID and making 809398420 million dollars a min
me: i want to work educational conferences in dc again, but i feel kind of blacklisted because one session ended badly and i didnt get hired back the next summer
um YES
im having a hard time adjusting to the job world
Chris: seriously
urgh. I kind of wish I never left Vienna
1:38 PM me: people like you and me..it's like, well, I know im smart
shouldnt that be enough
haha
i can write you a creative piece
Chris: exactly!
me: um but marketable skills?
certifications/
?
Chris: it's so vexing
me: i feel like im in the same boat you are
1:39 PM and all of the supervisors ive had have been dumb as rocks with ZERO creativity
theyre just specialized
Chris: then I see my one friend who majored in "communications" and is working at a constulancy firm. I'm like "communications" wtf? I can talk to people. I use twitter.
it's SOOO annoying
I hate dumb supervisors
me: because they went to dumb people school where you can actually major in things like being an office worker
i know
1:40 PM it's such shit
Chris: EXACTLY!
me: it's hard to be like, well i majored in how to think
...
Chris: like in Vienna where you go to school to become a waiter.
well hell I could have done that if I was an unimaginative moron
me: hahaha
you are truly speaking my mind right now
1:41 PM you crack me up
Chris: thinking is dangerous! they only want people to think the same way they do
me: omg seriously
im kinda pissed that i got let go from my front desk job
it's like being dumped by a loser guy who wasn't good enough for you
Chris: haha
1:42 PM me: and it was based entirely on a feeling
Chris: I shouldn't worry about it. those people sounded like they didn't appreciate your natural genius anyway
me: my supervisor, who ironically was the ONLY person in the office i didnt actually do work for so who never saw what i was doing for gazillions of other university people, was like i dont get the feeling that youre the right fit for the position
everyone else was like wtf surprised
1:43 PM i went in 3 days later for something different in the building and they didnt know id been let go
they were like what? i thought you just took the day off
yeah it sucked
Chris: omg what asses these people are
1:44 PM me: it was 100% admin in the most formal business office at au
it's just their environment...it's very rigid and business-like
clinical
uptight
completely non-social
Chris: it's like the whole job world is the upside-down world of how things should be. If you're smart and creative you are fired but if you are a mindless drone with the intelligence of a 3 ton beluga whale then you are a "perfect fit"
1:45 PM me: hahahaha
everything you are saying is perfect
Chris: painful I can't deal with uptight clinical settings
me: the girl who...granted im really good friends with...but who is like the office darling and was making twice what i was went to the university of charleston
was drugged out the whole four years
Chris: haha it's just so frustrating in the past week I've applied to something like 8 jobs... haven't heard a thing back from them AHHHH and this time I'm actually doing somehting I have experience in like teaching
1:46 PM me: and asks me the meaning of basic vocab and idiomatic expressions i use
but a week isnt long
Chris: AHHH! wtf. I should have majored in STUPID when I went to college. I'd be a millionare
me: people take forever to get back
hahahaha
can i please quote you on fb?
1:47 PM Chris: I know I'm just really impatient now I have to leave bama.
haha but of course
me: because honestliy, this convo is making me feel so much better
less alone im what ive been thinking about since leaving vienna
Chris: yes venting is good
1:48 PM me: and dc, while i love it for its physical layout and its cultural hotspots, is probably one of the worst places work-wise for me to be in right now
because talk about bullshit office jobs
and corporate blah blah
it's the hub of all that i despise
1:49 PM Chris: yeah I imagine all the sentorial political wannabes are infernally annoying
1:50 PM I keep coming up with 5 year plans of my life. Basically I think now in 5 years if I don't have a good job, an extant social life etc etc I am just going to sell everything I have and move back to Vienna and die in a coffee house of old age
1:51 PM me: hahahaha
you are in fine form today chris martin
1:52 PM Chris: haha I just feel I need to vent. I really have an urge to walk into a glass store and break everything haha
maybe I should go bang some drums
1:53 PM me: hahahha
sorry im being the person i usually detest in just answering hahahha
but you are really making me laugh
the hahas are real
i want to like copy/paste the part about selling everything and dying in a vienna coffee house of old age
1:54 PM and make it my new religious beliefs on fb
Chris: HAHA brilliant
1:55 PM me: ive only been in ohio for about 18 hours and already im turning into an old person
i spent 30 minutes bird watching out the window
Chris: I don't know why I'm waiting until I'm 30... in fact I have often thought about going back to Vienna, but I feel now, so soon, it would be like giving up haha
me: there was a hawk
1:56 PM well money is definitely the factor for me
Chris: OMG I bird watched today too! haha there were all these birds migrating I guess and they were so noisy
me: i should be saving the only remaining $ i have left in this world and using it to eventually move there, not visit, but im impatient
haha nice
1:57 PM my mom and stepdad have like 6 bird feeders outside the back window
they get alllll kinds of birds and squirrels and chipmunks and hawks and groundhogs
i watched a squirrel drink from the dirty bird bath
and then watched the hawk try to eat a bird
Chris: haha delightful
me: did i tell you i pet a squirrel in dc???
1:58 PM Chris: mean nasty hawk, I do like them though
me: one of my life-long dreams, fulfilled
yeah but they have to eat too
1:59 PM im going to do something i havent done in years and exercise
theyve got a sort of home gym in their basement
Chris: oh nice!
I should exercise too but first I should have some lunch
me: sounds like something i would say
2:00 PM Chris: hehe a wise thing to say indeed
me: you sir are hilarious
Chris: the only thing that's amusing is the truth, for that's all I say hehe
Sage advice from Brittney
8:55 AM everything shapes you so that way when you find what you really want, you're ready
8:57 AM hmmm i need to go shopping
i need to find a coat
and new jeans
and get paid
8:58 AM me: are you sure things dont just fuck you up and cripple you emotionally, preventing you from ever getting what you want?
lol
Brittney: nah.. i think that when you find it, you know
8:59 AM me: what if youve already found it, had it, and it didnt work out but instead ended disastrously
Brittney: then it wasn't it
9:00 AM me: be my life coach
9:01 AM Brittney: haha
you just need to find a nice guy, in a place where you want to be, who you can date a little to see if you like him first
9:02 AM me: :(
i put so much pressure on situations so fast
9:03 AM Brittney: yeah slow down, enjoy it a little me: i never give myself time to see if i like someone, i just push to see if they like me
slow down, you crazy child
ah
9:04 AM Brittney: yeah don't do that
me: i feel like if i dont push situations, nothing will ever happen
9:06 AM Brittney: yeah it will, you just have to give it time
and then it's better9:07 AM me: true cause when you know somethings happened because youve basically forced it, its hard to enjoy it
ps youve become my new religious views
9:08 AM they change every few days
Brittney: exactly, it's a lot better if it happens on it's own
9:10 AM me: and it will???
Brittney: yeah and if it doesn't, then it's not supposed to9:11 AM me: so im supposed to be alone?
Brittney: enjoy the surprise of it all :) it's much more gratifying than forcing things to happen
no, but sometimes we have to be alone for a while
me: its been a while
9:12 AM Brittney: but you haven't given this chill out relaxed approach a chance :)
9:13 AM me: true
its not in my nature
Brittney: yeah
9:14 AM me: but you can work at it??
9:15 AM Brittney: yeah a little
me: i feel like im in a similar situation as the last one that made me miserable
9:16 AM where theres a crush but i dont actually want to be with the person
Brittney: then why waste your time?
me: but i like force things just so i can feel bad when they dont work out
because stressing out over dead ends appeals to me?
Brittney: hmm not exciting ;)
9:18 AM me: so your life advice
1) make myself chill the fuck out
9:19 AM 2) wait for things to happen
Brittney: yep
believe that good things will happen to you
don't rush
pretty much what i live by ;)
me: believe huh?
9:25 AM Brittney: yep
me: how long have you believed that
9:26 AM Brittney: i don't know.. always?
you have to believe that you deserve something great
9:27 AM because if you don't believe that, it will be harder for others to
9:28 AM me: see this is like so counterintuitive for me
but i know youre right
im just wondering why i did not grow up with this
Brittney: i have no idea
9:29 AM me: when i have conversations like this where people tell me what seems so obvious i feel like a retarded person
9:30 AM Brittney: nah
it's hard
9:31 AM me: i really appreciate you talking me thru my crazy
9:32 AM slash putting up with it
Brittney: no problem
8:57 AM hmmm i need to go shopping
i need to find a coat
and new jeans
and get paid
8:58 AM me: are you sure things dont just fuck you up and cripple you emotionally, preventing you from ever getting what you want?
lol
Brittney: nah.. i think that when you find it, you know
8:59 AM me: what if youve already found it, had it, and it didnt work out but instead ended disastrously
Brittney: then it wasn't it
9:00 AM me: be my life coach
9:01 AM Brittney: haha
you just need to find a nice guy, in a place where you want to be, who you can date a little to see if you like him first
9:02 AM me: :(
i put so much pressure on situations so fast
9:03 AM Brittney: yeah slow down, enjoy it a little me: i never give myself time to see if i like someone, i just push to see if they like me
slow down, you crazy child
ah
9:04 AM Brittney: yeah don't do that
me: i feel like if i dont push situations, nothing will ever happen
9:06 AM Brittney: yeah it will, you just have to give it time
and then it's better9:07 AM me: true cause when you know somethings happened because youve basically forced it, its hard to enjoy it
ps youve become my new religious views
9:08 AM they change every few days
Brittney: exactly, it's a lot better if it happens on it's own
9:10 AM me: and it will???
Brittney: yeah and if it doesn't, then it's not supposed to9:11 AM me: so im supposed to be alone?
Brittney: enjoy the surprise of it all :) it's much more gratifying than forcing things to happen
no, but sometimes we have to be alone for a while
me: its been a while
9:12 AM Brittney: but you haven't given this chill out relaxed approach a chance :)
9:13 AM me: true
its not in my nature
Brittney: yeah
9:14 AM me: but you can work at it??
9:15 AM Brittney: yeah a little
me: i feel like im in a similar situation as the last one that made me miserable
9:16 AM where theres a crush but i dont actually want to be with the person
Brittney: then why waste your time?
me: but i like force things just so i can feel bad when they dont work out
because stressing out over dead ends appeals to me?
Brittney: hmm not exciting ;)
9:18 AM me: so your life advice
1) make myself chill the fuck out
9:19 AM 2) wait for things to happen
Brittney: yep
believe that good things will happen to you
don't rush
pretty much what i live by ;)
me: believe huh?
9:25 AM Brittney: yep
me: how long have you believed that
9:26 AM Brittney: i don't know.. always?
you have to believe that you deserve something great
9:27 AM because if you don't believe that, it will be harder for others to
9:28 AM me: see this is like so counterintuitive for me
but i know youre right
im just wondering why i did not grow up with this
Brittney: i have no idea
9:29 AM me: when i have conversations like this where people tell me what seems so obvious i feel like a retarded person
9:30 AM Brittney: nah
it's hard
9:31 AM me: i really appreciate you talking me thru my crazy
9:32 AM slash putting up with it
Brittney: no problem
Todd-isms. Because the shit my dad says is priceless.
I should've set up a database to record these ages ago.
"I miss those days when things were like they were in the '70s and '80s." Uh, you mean the '70s and '80s?
-on the phone, 12/18/09
"I wanna watch Letterman. I don't have time to have a fuckin' stroke with you tonight."
-to my hypochondriac and paranoid brother, who, as he so often does, thought he was surely about to have a stroke, 11/09
"If someone's mean and uptight, a little stroke will fuckin' settle 'em down a bit."
-to Jord, again, because he's worried he's having a stroke, 11/09
"Dude if I have a fuckin' stroke, I'm not gonna care because I'm not gonna know what's goin' on anyway."
-responding to Jord upon being accused of making fun of strokes, 11/09
"As long as you take vitamins, alcohol can't do anything to you. Except make you stronger." And later: "It's great to carry an extra 10-20 pounds in case you have a bout with cancer."
-11/09
"I don't have the patience to read a book. I can't even read this bill." -at a restaurant, followed by Jord: "I haven't read a book in years."
"When we lived in Columbiana, I grew this pot plant on the back porch and my mom thought it was a marigold. It got so high I had to cut it down, dry it out and smoke it. I put it on my car once--I'd just gotten my car repainted and waxed. I put it on top and took a picture. Because I liked my car too."
-12/18/09
"Real bullets can kill people, man."
-12/18/09, to Jordan
"I was going to give you money, but I knew you'd just use it to buy alcohol. So I bought you some alcohol."
-12/24/09, Dad to me, on my Christmas present
Me: "Do we have anything that's sugar-free AND caffeine-free?"
Dad: "To eat, or to drink?"
-12/25/09
Dad, on phone to me 3/14/10: "Aunt Penny had some religious vision and went to Israel for ten days with a lady rabbi from Mount Vernon."
"I miss those days when things were like they were in the '70s and '80s." Uh, you mean the '70s and '80s?
-on the phone, 12/18/09
"I wanna watch Letterman. I don't have time to have a fuckin' stroke with you tonight."
-to my hypochondriac and paranoid brother, who, as he so often does, thought he was surely about to have a stroke, 11/09
"If someone's mean and uptight, a little stroke will fuckin' settle 'em down a bit."
-to Jord, again, because he's worried he's having a stroke, 11/09
"Dude if I have a fuckin' stroke, I'm not gonna care because I'm not gonna know what's goin' on anyway."
-responding to Jord upon being accused of making fun of strokes, 11/09
"As long as you take vitamins, alcohol can't do anything to you. Except make you stronger." And later: "It's great to carry an extra 10-20 pounds in case you have a bout with cancer."
-11/09
"I don't have the patience to read a book. I can't even read this bill." -at a restaurant, followed by Jord: "I haven't read a book in years."
"When we lived in Columbiana, I grew this pot plant on the back porch and my mom thought it was a marigold. It got so high I had to cut it down, dry it out and smoke it. I put it on my car once--I'd just gotten my car repainted and waxed. I put it on top and took a picture. Because I liked my car too."
-12/18/09
"Real bullets can kill people, man."
-12/18/09, to Jordan
"I was going to give you money, but I knew you'd just use it to buy alcohol. So I bought you some alcohol."
-12/24/09, Dad to me, on my Christmas present
Me: "Do we have anything that's sugar-free AND caffeine-free?"
Dad: "To eat, or to drink?"
-12/25/09
Dad, on phone to me 3/14/10: "Aunt Penny had some religious vision and went to Israel for ten days with a lady rabbi from Mount Vernon."
Not-so-implausible dream jobs/gigs
-travel writer
-comedy show writer/creator
-weekly newspaper columnist
-club/event promoter
-celebrity interviewer
-still plastic surgery consultant or modeling/talent scout
-comedy show writer/creator
-weekly newspaper columnist
-club/event promoter
-celebrity interviewer
-still plastic surgery consultant or modeling/talent scout
My Zen reminders
-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
-"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus
-How I Met Your Mother
-Brittney Hansen's life philosophy
"Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble
-"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus
-How I Met Your Mother
-Brittney Hansen's life philosophy
"Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Things I'm thankful for back in Ohio
This one's a little harder, but there are plenty to choose from.
-free places to stay
-all the amazing food I can eat
-warmth
-family who, while they might hate each other, all relate to me in their own ways
-my wonderful friends stateside
-the four fabulous kitties at my dad's who make me so happy
-easy access to Mexican food
-being able to buy Munich-brewed beers and drink them on the couch
-multi-channel television
-holiday feasts and gatherings
-being able to share my adventures
-big, comfortable beds
-my mom's beautifully ornamented Christmas tree (including the Vienna 2007 ornament I brought back when I lived there)
-the cute little Christmas tree my brother set up and decorated at my dad's house
-being able to drive!!
-jamming out to the radio while driving!
-eating all I can for free
-doing laundry for free
-being able to meet up with friends I haven't seen in a long time
-ample time to relax and figure things out
-possibilities
-free places to stay
-all the amazing food I can eat
-warmth
-family who, while they might hate each other, all relate to me in their own ways
-my wonderful friends stateside
-the four fabulous kitties at my dad's who make me so happy
-easy access to Mexican food
-being able to buy Munich-brewed beers and drink them on the couch
-multi-channel television
-holiday feasts and gatherings
-being able to share my adventures
-big, comfortable beds
-my mom's beautifully ornamented Christmas tree (including the Vienna 2007 ornament I brought back when I lived there)
-the cute little Christmas tree my brother set up and decorated at my dad's house
-being able to drive!!
-jamming out to the radio while driving!
-eating all I can for free
-doing laundry for free
-being able to meet up with friends I haven't seen in a long time
-ample time to relax and figure things out
-possibilities
Two weeks in Germany and Austria: 1. Tag
Montag, 11.30.09
I landed in Munich shortly after 8am on the last day of November. Looking outside, I didn't feel the degree of enthusiasm that I had the many times I'd arrived at the main train station from Vienna one-two years before. I chalked it up to the jet lag, and to the fact that I was, after all, just at the airport, not actually in the city yet. I got my checked bag right away, got my passport checked, and booked it (well, as much as I could loaded down with heavy bags) to the S-Bahn underground on the other side of the airport. A ten-Euro ticket would get me into the city and pay for my transportation all day.
After making it downtown in record time, I took the U-Bahn to the University, where I had planned to meet Renee, one of my friends from JYM who I was going to stay with for the first few days. She wouldn't be done with work until about 12:30, so I had a couple of hours to kill. After sitting at Geschwister-Scholl-Platz and simply taking in the familiar scenery for a few minutes, I lugged my ridiculous number of heavy carry-ons down to Odeonsplatz and set up shop in the corner of San Francisco Coffee Company. I had a pretty decent roasted vegetable panini and a cappacino, and I used the free wifi to let people know I'd arrived safely...and of course to spend far too much time on facebook.
Shortly before 12:30, I headed back to the main building of the Uni and waited a few minutes for Renee. She got there right on schedule and looked the same as I remembered. She helped me with one of my carry-ons and we traveled via U-Bahn and then Strassenbahn to her place. She lives in this absolutely gorgeous huge house in Nymphenburg that is actually a building of apartments. I found out upon arriving that her "roommie" is actually her 60-year-old strict Viennese landlady. We put my stuff down, met her briefly, and then headed to Rotkreuzplatz nearby to check the little Christmas market and run some errands. A little after 10pm, we met our super cute friend Ty (also from JYM) at Unionsbraeu for dinner and beer, of course. I had delicious Kaesespaetzle with roasted onions on top, and an equally fabulous Blattsalat. I love the way Germans make salads...I'm going to learn exactly how they do it. I also had two amazing Munich beers...I think a half liter of Franziskaner Weissbier and then a Helles. It was great to hang out with Ty, since I never really talked to him when we were abroad before. We all had a couple hours of lively and funny conversation, knocked back a few, and headed out into the snow!
I landed in Munich shortly after 8am on the last day of November. Looking outside, I didn't feel the degree of enthusiasm that I had the many times I'd arrived at the main train station from Vienna one-two years before. I chalked it up to the jet lag, and to the fact that I was, after all, just at the airport, not actually in the city yet. I got my checked bag right away, got my passport checked, and booked it (well, as much as I could loaded down with heavy bags) to the S-Bahn underground on the other side of the airport. A ten-Euro ticket would get me into the city and pay for my transportation all day.
After making it downtown in record time, I took the U-Bahn to the University, where I had planned to meet Renee, one of my friends from JYM who I was going to stay with for the first few days. She wouldn't be done with work until about 12:30, so I had a couple of hours to kill. After sitting at Geschwister-Scholl-Platz and simply taking in the familiar scenery for a few minutes, I lugged my ridiculous number of heavy carry-ons down to Odeonsplatz and set up shop in the corner of San Francisco Coffee Company. I had a pretty decent roasted vegetable panini and a cappacino, and I used the free wifi to let people know I'd arrived safely...and of course to spend far too much time on facebook.
Shortly before 12:30, I headed back to the main building of the Uni and waited a few minutes for Renee. She got there right on schedule and looked the same as I remembered. She helped me with one of my carry-ons and we traveled via U-Bahn and then Strassenbahn to her place. She lives in this absolutely gorgeous huge house in Nymphenburg that is actually a building of apartments. I found out upon arriving that her "roommie" is actually her 60-year-old strict Viennese landlady. We put my stuff down, met her briefly, and then headed to Rotkreuzplatz nearby to check the little Christmas market and run some errands. A little after 10pm, we met our super cute friend Ty (also from JYM) at Unionsbraeu for dinner and beer, of course. I had delicious Kaesespaetzle with roasted onions on top, and an equally fabulous Blattsalat. I love the way Germans make salads...I'm going to learn exactly how they do it. I also had two amazing Munich beers...I think a half liter of Franziskaner Weissbier and then a Helles. It was great to hang out with Ty, since I never really talked to him when we were abroad before. We all had a couple hours of lively and funny conversation, knocked back a few, and headed out into the snow!
Dream jobs
video vixen
professional happy hour attender
cat social worker
plastic surgery consultant (I am very good at pointing out exactly what's flawed about a person's appearance)
modeling scout (see previous)
professional happy hour attender
cat social worker
plastic surgery consultant (I am very good at pointing out exactly what's flawed about a person's appearance)
modeling scout (see previous)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Two weeks in Germany and Austria: Der Hinflug
Sonntag, 11.30.09
I woke up at 6am after a mere three hours of sleep (of course I was up late doing some last-minute frantic packing...as if there's any other kind) to head with Mom and Tony to the Pittsburgh airport. We had coffee at Au Bon Pain (love that place--it's too bad they're turning that location into a McDonald's) and said our goodbyes. My first flight was from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia. It was with US Air and was scheduled to leave at 9:30am. I had been leery about booking with US Air from the inception of this trip, 1) because it's an American airline and the service is always inferior to a European airline's and 2) because the last time I flew US Air, nothing ran according to schedule. Well, I was right to be wary, because no sooner did I get to the gate did I see that the flight was delayed until 10am... then 10:30am... then it just went off the screen entirely.
Allegedly, the plane was there but was having computer issues, and no one working for US Air knew when or if it would be ready to fly that day. Many other people also had connections to transatlantic destinations, such as London and Frankfurt. After much waiting in line and asking many questions, the most inquisitive among us were told that the plane would take off at 3:30, *IF* it took off at all. Clearly, those of us with connecting flights couldn't take the chance of it not being ready ever, so we struggled to get on standby on other flights. Two people in front of me in line--one girl going to England and one guy going to Germany--were shit out of luck, as their connections were earlier than mine, and we learned that every other flight that afternoon to Philadelphia was already massively overbooked.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that the US Air employees invariably met our questions with the response of, "Uhh, yeah we don't know... go to the next desk and maybe they can put you on some sort of waiting list." After having lugged my many heavy carry-ons to multiple stations throughout the terminal, and almost another hour of queuing, I had two boarding passes and a proverbial game of shells lying ahead of me. The first boarding pass was for the original flight, very tentatively scheduled to take off at 3:30, and the second was for another flight that was supposed to be full that took off at 3:25. I was instructed to stay close to the gate to listen for all announcements, and, as the 3:30 time approached, if there was nothing definitive on flight #1, I had to run to the gate of flight #2 and pray to get on. I also received a $5 food voucher, which I soon discovered was not valid at any restaurants close to my gate.
At 3:15, I heard my name called over the loudspeaker, asking me to board the 3:25 flight. And so, after a day of sleep-deprived, anxious pacing, part one of my journey found its beginning. And that is the story of how I traveled all the way to... Philadelphia.
The flight to Munich went according to schedule and doesn't make for much of a story, except that I bought two mini bottles of red wine, took three Tylenol PM, and snapped awake a few hours later, only to wonder and silently freak out if I'd been talking in my sleep/spilling the cup of water that I'd sworn was in front of me when I dozed off. That's the danger of solo travel. I guess I'll never know.
I woke up at 6am after a mere three hours of sleep (of course I was up late doing some last-minute frantic packing...as if there's any other kind) to head with Mom and Tony to the Pittsburgh airport. We had coffee at Au Bon Pain (love that place--it's too bad they're turning that location into a McDonald's) and said our goodbyes. My first flight was from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia. It was with US Air and was scheduled to leave at 9:30am. I had been leery about booking with US Air from the inception of this trip, 1) because it's an American airline and the service is always inferior to a European airline's and 2) because the last time I flew US Air, nothing ran according to schedule. Well, I was right to be wary, because no sooner did I get to the gate did I see that the flight was delayed until 10am... then 10:30am... then it just went off the screen entirely.
Allegedly, the plane was there but was having computer issues, and no one working for US Air knew when or if it would be ready to fly that day. Many other people also had connections to transatlantic destinations, such as London and Frankfurt. After much waiting in line and asking many questions, the most inquisitive among us were told that the plane would take off at 3:30, *IF* it took off at all. Clearly, those of us with connecting flights couldn't take the chance of it not being ready ever, so we struggled to get on standby on other flights. Two people in front of me in line--one girl going to England and one guy going to Germany--were shit out of luck, as their connections were earlier than mine, and we learned that every other flight that afternoon to Philadelphia was already massively overbooked.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that the US Air employees invariably met our questions with the response of, "Uhh, yeah we don't know... go to the next desk and maybe they can put you on some sort of waiting list." After having lugged my many heavy carry-ons to multiple stations throughout the terminal, and almost another hour of queuing, I had two boarding passes and a proverbial game of shells lying ahead of me. The first boarding pass was for the original flight, very tentatively scheduled to take off at 3:30, and the second was for another flight that was supposed to be full that took off at 3:25. I was instructed to stay close to the gate to listen for all announcements, and, as the 3:30 time approached, if there was nothing definitive on flight #1, I had to run to the gate of flight #2 and pray to get on. I also received a $5 food voucher, which I soon discovered was not valid at any restaurants close to my gate.
At 3:15, I heard my name called over the loudspeaker, asking me to board the 3:25 flight. And so, after a day of sleep-deprived, anxious pacing, part one of my journey found its beginning. And that is the story of how I traveled all the way to... Philadelphia.
The flight to Munich went according to schedule and doesn't make for much of a story, except that I bought two mini bottles of red wine, took three Tylenol PM, and snapped awake a few hours later, only to wonder and silently freak out if I'd been talking in my sleep/spilling the cup of water that I'd sworn was in front of me when I dozed off. That's the danger of solo travel. I guess I'll never know.
Things I'm thankful for from my Munich/Vienna trip
Things I’m thankful for about this trip:
lockers in train stations
boys who carry my heavy bags
no open-container law
Weissbier/Hefeweizen
friends I can stay with
Hiro’s phone
meeting Hiro
Hiro’s generosity
Kaesekrainer Hot Dogs
Punsch und Gluehwein
Christkindlmaerkte
Viennese accents
Christine, Jordan, and Melissa
their tea
their flashlight
their food
their Prosecco
their generosity
their desire to spend lots of time with me
gently falling snow
Bussi from Melissa
how excited Melissa was to see me
how nice Christine is and how much she cares
Uno und Spongebob spielen
nostalgia
beautiful architecture
das erste Bezirk
new experiences that, while not particularly my cup of tea, made me more aware and well-rounded (i.e., whorehouse)
getting hit on
how much my friends back home missed me
peoples’ excitement for me
living fast and by the seat of my pants and in the moment, thus not ruminating on shit of the past
jeans tucked into high boots
my new coat
my other bar/club conquests
my boldness
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
seeing how boys live
making boy friends
getting more comfortable around boys
David
HP
free Wi Fi
being able to show Ty around my old haunts
Renee
planning my next steps in life
free drinks
being able to spend money on going out because I’m not paying rent
the Thai restaurant in Munich
Wiener Deewan
Taschentuecher
feeling progress with my German
being told my German is good
Melissa’s progress in English
how pretty she is!
feigning confidence until I feel it
developing socially in new/different circles
setting off independently and getting around on my own
getting more interpersonal experience to continue teaching me the big life lesson that I can’t change people
Eleanor
Brittney
teaching myself to live by Brittney’s religion of believing you deserve great things and that great things will come when they are supposed to
the hilarious story of my Christmas mugs and umbrella being in Zsolt’s apartment
the crazy coincidence of going out at Alser Strasse
the crazy coincidence of Ty coming to Vienna
crazy coincidences period
The world is open to me. It can be terrifying if I approach it as something that is terrifying. It can be Sturm-und-Drang if I approach it as something that is Sturm-und-Drang. It can be amazing, exciting and fulfilling if I approach it as something that is amazing, exciting and fulfilling.
the influence of being around/talking to people who demand what they want and what they believe they deserve
lockers in train stations
boys who carry my heavy bags
no open-container law
Weissbier/Hefeweizen
friends I can stay with
Hiro’s phone
meeting Hiro
Hiro’s generosity
Kaesekrainer Hot Dogs
Punsch und Gluehwein
Christkindlmaerkte
Viennese accents
Christine, Jordan, and Melissa
their tea
their flashlight
their food
their Prosecco
their generosity
their desire to spend lots of time with me
gently falling snow
Bussi from Melissa
how excited Melissa was to see me
how nice Christine is and how much she cares
Uno und Spongebob spielen
nostalgia
beautiful architecture
das erste Bezirk
new experiences that, while not particularly my cup of tea, made me more aware and well-rounded (i.e., whorehouse)
getting hit on
how much my friends back home missed me
peoples’ excitement for me
living fast and by the seat of my pants and in the moment, thus not ruminating on shit of the past
jeans tucked into high boots
my new coat
my other bar/club conquests
my boldness
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
seeing how boys live
making boy friends
getting more comfortable around boys
David
HP
free Wi Fi
being able to show Ty around my old haunts
Renee
planning my next steps in life
free drinks
being able to spend money on going out because I’m not paying rent
the Thai restaurant in Munich
Wiener Deewan
Taschentuecher
feeling progress with my German
being told my German is good
Melissa’s progress in English
how pretty she is!
feigning confidence until I feel it
developing socially in new/different circles
setting off independently and getting around on my own
getting more interpersonal experience to continue teaching me the big life lesson that I can’t change people
Eleanor
Brittney
teaching myself to live by Brittney’s religion of believing you deserve great things and that great things will come when they are supposed to
the hilarious story of my Christmas mugs and umbrella being in Zsolt’s apartment
the crazy coincidence of going out at Alser Strasse
the crazy coincidence of Ty coming to Vienna
crazy coincidences period
The world is open to me. It can be terrifying if I approach it as something that is terrifying. It can be Sturm-und-Drang if I approach it as something that is Sturm-und-Drang. It can be amazing, exciting and fulfilling if I approach it as something that is amazing, exciting and fulfilling.
the influence of being around/talking to people who demand what they want and what they believe they deserve
Things I know for sure
Things I Know for Sure
-You can’t always choose the things that happen in your life, but you can choose the things that you let define you.
-The most unsuccessful—and therefore frustrating—thing you can ever do is try to change a person to your liking, or manipulate circumstances to your liking. These things are like a bar of soap; clutch them too closely and they will fly even farther out of your reach. Plus, because we can only see the past and present, we don’t know what people or circumstances will be best for us in the long run.
-You can never let another person determine your mood. You can never let another person determine how you feel about yourself. People are fickle, and you never know what’s playing a role in their attitudes at any given moment.
-There is such a thing as too much introspection if it’s negatively focused. Investigate until you learn something that you can use constructively. Introspection and analysis are tools for getting to a better place than where you are.
-No matter how desperately you want it, you can’t just get your destiny; you have to get to it. The more desperate you are to just “collect” it already, the further off course you get, because you’re choosing to focus on the distraction of impatience instead of focusing on the next steps life is revealing to you.
-It really isn’t wise to take anything personally, because nothing is purely personal. Other peoples’ actions and choices are less about you and more about them and their current state of affairs.
-The only constant in this world is change.
-“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” -Anais Nin
-“When you’re trying to be something you’re not, you’re always going to fail.” -Anonymous. And thank God for that. It’s a blessing that we can’t get away with lying to ourselves about who we are.
-The law of attraction rules just about everything.
-It’s not always prudent to draw associations or determine cause/effect relationships or patterns. Sometimes, a situation is only itself, and nothing else.
-“You can be anywhere when your life begins.” Or, in the words of Paulo Coelho, “…people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”
-There’s a she wolf in the closet; let it out so it can breathe.
-You can’t always choose the things that happen in your life, but you can choose the things that you let define you.
-The most unsuccessful—and therefore frustrating—thing you can ever do is try to change a person to your liking, or manipulate circumstances to your liking. These things are like a bar of soap; clutch them too closely and they will fly even farther out of your reach. Plus, because we can only see the past and present, we don’t know what people or circumstances will be best for us in the long run.
-You can never let another person determine your mood. You can never let another person determine how you feel about yourself. People are fickle, and you never know what’s playing a role in their attitudes at any given moment.
-There is such a thing as too much introspection if it’s negatively focused. Investigate until you learn something that you can use constructively. Introspection and analysis are tools for getting to a better place than where you are.
-No matter how desperately you want it, you can’t just get your destiny; you have to get to it. The more desperate you are to just “collect” it already, the further off course you get, because you’re choosing to focus on the distraction of impatience instead of focusing on the next steps life is revealing to you.
-It really isn’t wise to take anything personally, because nothing is purely personal. Other peoples’ actions and choices are less about you and more about them and their current state of affairs.
-The only constant in this world is change.
-“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” -Anais Nin
-“When you’re trying to be something you’re not, you’re always going to fail.” -Anonymous. And thank God for that. It’s a blessing that we can’t get away with lying to ourselves about who we are.
-The law of attraction rules just about everything.
-It’s not always prudent to draw associations or determine cause/effect relationships or patterns. Sometimes, a situation is only itself, and nothing else.
-“You can be anywhere when your life begins.” Or, in the words of Paulo Coelho, “…people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”
-There’s a she wolf in the closet; let it out so it can breathe.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Women with surprisingly hot husbands
Molly Ringwald: http://cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/90/18/23826pcn_molly04.0.0.0x0.432x651.jpeg
Mariska Hargitay: http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/peter-hermann-mariska-hargitay-honored-at-the-mount-sinai-sexual-assualt-and-violence-program-fundraiser-0VuKUZ.jpg
Mariska Hargitay: http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/peter-hermann-mariska-hargitay-honored-at-the-mount-sinai-sexual-assualt-and-violence-program-fundraiser-0VuKUZ.jpg
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Wonderful contradictions
-a woman at work arriving 1.5 hours late to the "emergency preparedness meeting"
-an organization aimed at saving American forests sending out mass mailings (Kelly's observation)
-an organization aimed at saving American forests sending out mass mailings (Kelly's observation)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Gchat excerpts (or, my thoughts on settling down)
i stare at babies with the same longing you feel when you stare at my ass.
thats a new user ecard on someecards and its soooo true
the impulsive part of me wants to get married and have babies right frickin now
i dont know why i can so easily not want to commit to a place or a job, yet i latch on to a guy tooth and nail
why am i putting all my eggs in one basket
i dont know why i can so easily not want to commit to a place or a job, yet i latch on to a guy tooth and nail
why am i putting all my eggs in one basket
fuck egg collecting
i am gonna start throwing my eggs at a large volume of men
Friday, June 19, 2009
Expectations vs. Standards
I've been doing a lot of emotional work lately with regard to relationships...which of course ultimately comes down to doing a lot of emotional work within myself. A lot. More than I've done in years. And it's been hell, but clearly so very necessary.
Any reputable person will tell you not to settle for--or even put up with--someone who isn't worth your time. Any reputable person will tell you to believe that you are deserving of good things and good people who treat you well, and to only pursue those things and people that make you better. However, any reputable person will also be the first to tell you that you cannot place expectations on other people; that you can expect things only from yourself. This seeming hypocrisy is something I've struggled with for as long as I've held conscious thoughts.
How can you demand the best without being demanding? How can you go out in the world--and into your relationships--believing that you deserve good things, but without carrying around a sense of entitlement?
I think this is where it's critical to recognize the difference between having expectations and having standards. For example:
You can't expect a person you are dating/married to/whatever to act in any certain way and not act in certain other ways. You can, however, make a rule for yourself stipulating that you will not have, as a partner, someone who cheats, lies, steals, wears stripes with polka-dots, etc.
You can’t expect anyone but you to make you happy. But you can have a standard for yourself that says, “if person x in my life is behaving in a way that I find upsetting or disappointing or [insert some other negative adjective here], then it is my responsibility to myself to evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not I want to keep person x in my life.”
Personal responsibility--it's something that I have to remind myself of again and again. But I've found it's been the times when I've expected (consciously or unconsciously) someone or something outside of myself to make me feel a given way--well, those are the times when I've experienced the hardest knocks.
Blue is not a color.
"What's your favorite color?"
"Blue, I guess."
Whoever answers this way is a moron. First of all, it's generic. I mean, come on--it's not like I've ever met anyone who hates blue. But need we be so unoriginal? Your "favorite" things should shine a light on elements that are unique to you. They're your favorites because they tap into something personal, something that speaks to who you are (and who no one else is). So really, why essentially admit that you're dull and not even all that thoughtful by representing yourself with "blue"? You'd come across as much more self-knowledgeable--not to mention interesting--if you said something like "rust-tinted adobe with a hint of dandelion." Or whatever specific combination is true for you. Secondly, blue is not really a color in itself, but rather a generalization that encompasses a whole range of colors. So, if you are honestly all about things that are blue-ish, at least have the decency and introspective capacity to respond with "cerulean" or "azure." Or, at the very least, "navy."
"Blue, I guess."
Whoever answers this way is a moron. First of all, it's generic. I mean, come on--it's not like I've ever met anyone who hates blue. But need we be so unoriginal? Your "favorite" things should shine a light on elements that are unique to you. They're your favorites because they tap into something personal, something that speaks to who you are (and who no one else is). So really, why essentially admit that you're dull and not even all that thoughtful by representing yourself with "blue"? You'd come across as much more self-knowledgeable--not to mention interesting--if you said something like "rust-tinted adobe with a hint of dandelion." Or whatever specific combination is true for you. Secondly, blue is not really a color in itself, but rather a generalization that encompasses a whole range of colors. So, if you are honestly all about things that are blue-ish, at least have the decency and introspective capacity to respond with "cerulean" or "azure." Or, at the very least, "navy."
These are a few of my favorite things
Munich :)))))
Bayern as a whole
Altstaedte (old towns)
sunny days
going for long, aimless walks
introspection and internal monologues
internal monologues that quickly turn into outwardly talking to myself
Swedish fish but only the large ones. The smaller ones that come in big bags have a craptastic coating.
German
Germany omg i miss it
living in Europe omg i miss it
the Alps...specifically the Bavarian Alps
trainrides through said mountains
soulgasms brought on by literature, art, and ideas
the Jazz Age
randomness
ridiculousness
analyzing
the sky
children
Bavarian and Austrian children
cats
small dogs that look like cats
small dogs wearing sweaters and coats
animals in general
comedy a la Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Office, The Royal Tenenbaums, and 30 Rock
taking absurd amounts of photos
drinking absurd amounts of water
eating absurd amounts of food, especially Mexican and Thai
dresses omg
shoes
metallic colors
metallic colored shoes
soul connections
sleeping deeply
dreaming vividly
psychological exploration
ducks
squirrels
farce
absurdity
Bayern as a whole
Altstaedte (old towns)
sunny days
going for long, aimless walks
introspection and internal monologues
internal monologues that quickly turn into outwardly talking to myself
Swedish fish but only the large ones. The smaller ones that come in big bags have a craptastic coating.
German
Germany omg i miss it
living in Europe omg i miss it
the Alps...specifically the Bavarian Alps
trainrides through said mountains
soulgasms brought on by literature, art, and ideas
the Jazz Age
randomness
ridiculousness
analyzing
the sky
children
Bavarian and Austrian children
cats
small dogs that look like cats
small dogs wearing sweaters and coats
animals in general
comedy a la Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Office, The Royal Tenenbaums, and 30 Rock
taking absurd amounts of photos
drinking absurd amounts of water
eating absurd amounts of food, especially Mexican and Thai
dresses omg
shoes
metallic colors
metallic colored shoes
soul connections
sleeping deeply
dreaming vividly
psychological exploration
ducks
squirrels
farce
absurdity
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Trial-sized musings
I was in CVS the other night picking up some things and glanced down the aisle, catching a glimpse of one of the item signs--you know, those signs that are intended to help you zoom in on what you're looking for, but instead end up being practically as numerous as the products they're guiding you to. Anyway, the sign said "trial-sized." As I turned my head my eyes scanned over the sign marking the hair color products. In my mind, the two signs blended together and I thought, hmm, wouldn't it be interesting if there were trial-sized hair dye. Then I got to thinking, what if everything in the store came trial-sized? After all, aren't trial-sizes created and marketed based on their convenience? And don't we, as a society, like things that are convenient and, not only that, but things that don't require a real commitment? What's stopping companies, then, I ask, from marketing trial-sized reading glasses? Trial-sized diapers? Or how about trial-sized condoms: "1/3 the size of regular condoms"? Non-committal and easier to travel with. This consumer doesn't see any drawbacks.
Why stop there? Why not get a boat? Oh wait...
Today I'm going to introduce a character who will no doubt make multiple appearances on this page, because, what's a good blog without a crazy mother figure? My mother tries...and she does have her moments of being nurturing and, well, motherly. However, her moments of absurd, wtf-did-you-really-just-do-that behavior seem to outnumber them. Sometimes vastly.
So my parents got divorced two and a half years ago. Conveniently for my mom, she quickly married the guy she cheated on my dad with (and had been living with since...well since before they even split, unbeknownst to anyone else). A ready-made new life to fall into, with none of the hassle of pesky transitions--what better? Beyond just the physical logistics of it all (a new car to drive!, the new guy's double military and police force pensions!, a nice house just five minutes down the road from work!), my mother inherited a whole lifestyle, complete with new interests, beliefs, and activities just waiting for her to absorb as her own.
I won't detail it all here. I prefer to spread out the crazy a bit, dropping it when least expected. I will say, though, that my mother immediately snapped into a different version of herself and adopted all the likes, dislikes, and hobbies of her new dude. For about a year there were flying lessons and ever-increasing mentions of becoming a licensed pilot and buying a plane (a photo of a private turbo prop even landed a spot as the computer desktop in their "library" for several months). Then, out of thin air, all of this ended. During this fascination and after, there was much talk of a variety of new ventures: scuba-diving certification, renting an apartment and backpacking through Spain, sailing lessons, buying a boat, mountain climbing expeditions, adopting two purebred yorkie poo puppies--and the list goes on, but again, I'd like to reserve some of the mania.
The last time I was in Ohio visiting family, we were sitting down at the dinner table and Tony (my mom's dude) got to asking me about what my plans for the near future were--if I would settle down, where I might settle down, etc. I stressed the necessity of living in a city with excellent public transportation, as I do not have a car. He said--quite to my surprise, but not really because I find him making random, grandiose offers like this rather often (undoubtedly a contributing factor to his and my mom's ever-changing large-scale plans)--that they were getting a second Honda soon and that when they had it, I could have my mother's Buick. Not only that; he was absolutely insistent on it. Having seen his words go unrealized too many times, I knew not to count on a car, but at the very least, I thought there was a chance I would see a few bucks come my way in a couple of months.
Months did indeed pass, and I was moving into a new place (the fifth in ten months, yay subletting). With moving of course comes scrounging up first month's rent and an equivalent security deposit. Having just started a job and waiting for my first paycheck, I delicately asked my mother if there was any possible way I could borrow $100-$150 to help cover some of the expense, promising to pay it back in ten days when I got paid. Her response? "I really wish I could help you, but I can't swing it." Well, it was worth a shot.
Except I didn't believe she honestly couldn't help out. Afterall, I heard almost non-stop about the purchases of new clothes, nail appointments, trips to nice, out-of-town restaurants, deck painting, countless new landscaping elements, and more of the usual ridiculousness. I asked a couple more times over the next week. No can do was the response.
Finally, crunch time came and I tried my luck once more, this time begging. She told me she would ask for permission from Tony and see what could be done. He had no problem with it and even told me not to pay the money back. Not unusual behavior for him.
A few days later my mother and I talked on the phone and I could tell he was in the room. Her voice takes on a saccharine sweetness when he's nearby and I told her, "You sound different--you sound younger." A weird phenomenon, I think. Yet another indication of the fantasy world quality of that whole situation.
I asked what she'd been up to. She mentioned something about making the final payment on the new Honda. I was unaware that they had already bought a new car, but I figured it was the one they had discussed months earlier. And again, a car. So I asked, "Oh, what did you get?" Her answer: the newest SUV on the market. Knowing that Tony is a retiree who spends most of his time reading and napping at home--and given the fact that my mother works at the library a mere five minutes down the street--I questioned, "What do you need an SUV for?"
Her answer was, of course, perfectly logical. "We needed something to put the kayaks in."
So my parents got divorced two and a half years ago. Conveniently for my mom, she quickly married the guy she cheated on my dad with (and had been living with since...well since before they even split, unbeknownst to anyone else). A ready-made new life to fall into, with none of the hassle of pesky transitions--what better? Beyond just the physical logistics of it all (a new car to drive!, the new guy's double military and police force pensions!, a nice house just five minutes down the road from work!), my mother inherited a whole lifestyle, complete with new interests, beliefs, and activities just waiting for her to absorb as her own.
I won't detail it all here. I prefer to spread out the crazy a bit, dropping it when least expected. I will say, though, that my mother immediately snapped into a different version of herself and adopted all the likes, dislikes, and hobbies of her new dude. For about a year there were flying lessons and ever-increasing mentions of becoming a licensed pilot and buying a plane (a photo of a private turbo prop even landed a spot as the computer desktop in their "library" for several months). Then, out of thin air, all of this ended. During this fascination and after, there was much talk of a variety of new ventures: scuba-diving certification, renting an apartment and backpacking through Spain, sailing lessons, buying a boat, mountain climbing expeditions, adopting two purebred yorkie poo puppies--and the list goes on, but again, I'd like to reserve some of the mania.
The last time I was in Ohio visiting family, we were sitting down at the dinner table and Tony (my mom's dude) got to asking me about what my plans for the near future were--if I would settle down, where I might settle down, etc. I stressed the necessity of living in a city with excellent public transportation, as I do not have a car. He said--quite to my surprise, but not really because I find him making random, grandiose offers like this rather often (undoubtedly a contributing factor to his and my mom's ever-changing large-scale plans)--that they were getting a second Honda soon and that when they had it, I could have my mother's Buick. Not only that; he was absolutely insistent on it. Having seen his words go unrealized too many times, I knew not to count on a car, but at the very least, I thought there was a chance I would see a few bucks come my way in a couple of months.
Months did indeed pass, and I was moving into a new place (the fifth in ten months, yay subletting). With moving of course comes scrounging up first month's rent and an equivalent security deposit. Having just started a job and waiting for my first paycheck, I delicately asked my mother if there was any possible way I could borrow $100-$150 to help cover some of the expense, promising to pay it back in ten days when I got paid. Her response? "I really wish I could help you, but I can't swing it." Well, it was worth a shot.
Except I didn't believe she honestly couldn't help out. Afterall, I heard almost non-stop about the purchases of new clothes, nail appointments, trips to nice, out-of-town restaurants, deck painting, countless new landscaping elements, and more of the usual ridiculousness. I asked a couple more times over the next week. No can do was the response.
Finally, crunch time came and I tried my luck once more, this time begging. She told me she would ask for permission from Tony and see what could be done. He had no problem with it and even told me not to pay the money back. Not unusual behavior for him.
A few days later my mother and I talked on the phone and I could tell he was in the room. Her voice takes on a saccharine sweetness when he's nearby and I told her, "You sound different--you sound younger." A weird phenomenon, I think. Yet another indication of the fantasy world quality of that whole situation.
I asked what she'd been up to. She mentioned something about making the final payment on the new Honda. I was unaware that they had already bought a new car, but I figured it was the one they had discussed months earlier. And again, a car. So I asked, "Oh, what did you get?" Her answer: the newest SUV on the market. Knowing that Tony is a retiree who spends most of his time reading and napping at home--and given the fact that my mother works at the library a mere five minutes down the street--I questioned, "What do you need an SUV for?"
Her answer was, of course, perfectly logical. "We needed something to put the kayaks in."
Monday, June 15, 2009
Squirrel Hazing: What You Can Do
Walking to work today I stumbled upon a sight all too familiar--one rogue squirrel hazing another. I hesitate to even call the creature rogue, however, as the insult--when paired with the name of the animal--seems redundant. There's no easy way around it: squirrels are giving themselves, and each other, a bad name.
I first became aware of the problem of squirrel hazing during my junior year of high school. Two friends sought to communicate the gravity of the issue by designing a t-shirt: on the front, the embossed photos of two squirrels--the hazer and the hazed--with the declaration "I'm a fighter" scrolled on the back. Squirrels, perhaps out of an overly compensatory attempt to embody the mad, demon-possessed nature we humans often attribute to them, have taken to terrorizing one another. Long gone are the days of friendly games of acorn hide-and-seek and playful chases around tree trunks. Now, we pass through otherwise quiet, residential neighborhoods only to see one squirrel chasing another into the path of an oncoming car. We watch with wide-eyed bewilderment as that same squirrel dares another to climb higher and higher up in an ever-thinning network of branches, leaving the latter's life quite literally hanging in the balance. And we have only to look at the decaying carcasses of the fallen on our sidewalks and front yards to remind ourselves that the violence far surpasses that which we directly observe.
"When will it end?" is the question undoubtedly weighing on so many human minds. Is the population doomed to render itself extinct? This observer would like to think that the problem can still scale down. I believe that if we humans stop perpetuating the stereotype of squirrels as a manic, crazed species--thus projecting onto them a caricatured identity that their tiny brains can in no way parse from reality--then these creatures will gradually find their way back to a more harmonious era. After all, peace within a single group is the first step to peace between different groups. Perhaps if the squirrels start, other species will follow suit.
I first became aware of the problem of squirrel hazing during my junior year of high school. Two friends sought to communicate the gravity of the issue by designing a t-shirt: on the front, the embossed photos of two squirrels--the hazer and the hazed--with the declaration "I'm a fighter" scrolled on the back. Squirrels, perhaps out of an overly compensatory attempt to embody the mad, demon-possessed nature we humans often attribute to them, have taken to terrorizing one another. Long gone are the days of friendly games of acorn hide-and-seek and playful chases around tree trunks. Now, we pass through otherwise quiet, residential neighborhoods only to see one squirrel chasing another into the path of an oncoming car. We watch with wide-eyed bewilderment as that same squirrel dares another to climb higher and higher up in an ever-thinning network of branches, leaving the latter's life quite literally hanging in the balance. And we have only to look at the decaying carcasses of the fallen on our sidewalks and front yards to remind ourselves that the violence far surpasses that which we directly observe.
"When will it end?" is the question undoubtedly weighing on so many human minds. Is the population doomed to render itself extinct? This observer would like to think that the problem can still scale down. I believe that if we humans stop perpetuating the stereotype of squirrels as a manic, crazed species--thus projecting onto them a caricatured identity that their tiny brains can in no way parse from reality--then these creatures will gradually find their way back to a more harmonious era. After all, peace within a single group is the first step to peace between different groups. Perhaps if the squirrels start, other species will follow suit.
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