Reasons I want to move back to Europe/become European

better healthcare

no gun craziness

no open container law

super easy international travel

more liberal society

crazy awesome ethnic foods

sweet public transit

accents

multiple languages for your kids to be brought up in

more exercise/walking around/walkable cities

better social services (i.e., counseling, crisis centers)

ridiculously cheaper higher education

the ability to dress like a slut without being labeled a slut

regarding family back in the states: absence makes the heart grow fonder

richer history

Some of the most story-worthy things I've done.

If you want the whole story, you'll have to buy the book. Once I get around to writing it.

-hopping onto the back of a stranger's motorcycle at night in Athens, Greece, and riding until we found a crepes place
-watching President Barack Obama's inauguration from the National Mall in Washington, DC
-making snow angels in the front yard of the Kenyon College chapel at 1am on the way home from the bar
-belting out all the words to Falco's "Vienna Calling" to the amazement of native Viennese while riding in a car through--you guessed it--Vienna on a Saturday night
-dancing on stage in a packed Bourbon Street, New Orleans jazz club to the entirety of "Baby Got Back"
-earning so many beads on Bourbon Street that I filled up a second suitcase
-collecting more beads than anyone on Mardi Gras in a gay bar in DC, without actually doing anything
-dear God-- so much crap in Vienna

This is why I'm weird.

1) Whenever I am near a wooded area or body of water, I wonder how many dead bodies there are in there.

2) I have a habit of throwing away fortune cookies without opening them. Nothing superstitious, I just don’t care to see what’s inside. Plus, they taste like sugar-coated cardboard.

3) When I was younger, I dreamed of being a figure skating choreographer. I would make up intricate partner routines using moves I learned about on televised competitions and then make my brother practice them with me on rollerblades in our basement.

4) I have sinus issues and often while eating rice, pineapple, or certain types of pasta, pieces get lodged inside my sinus cavity and I have to blow them out. Gross, and it hurts like a mofo.

5) I experience deep feelings of what I believe to be empathy for inanimate objects. For instance, if I see a wet leaf on the sidewalk that’s all by itself, I feel really sad for it. For one because it’s wet, and also because it doesn’t have any of its leaf friends alongside it.

6) I’ve been in Munich two years during Oktoberfest but have yet to actually go to Oktoberfest.

7) I spent my formative years wanting desperately to be Topanga from Boy Meets World.

Top However-Many-I-Come-Up-With: Worst Places to Propose

1) a funeral

2) from the bed of the person you just got caught cheating with

3) the free clinic after your tests came back positive

4) anywhere within 20 feet of a port-a-potty, or the stench of one

5) the morgue

6) at an AshleeSimpson/HilaryDuff/RyanCabrera concert. because seriously, why would you ever go to any of those?

7) on Twitter

8) inside Planned Parenthood

9) on a Bachelor/Bachelorette reunion episode

10) inside the chalk outline of a murder scene

11) at an exorcism

12) at a speed-dating event

Todd-isms. Because the shit my dad says is priceless.

I should've set up a database to record these ages ago.

"I miss those days when things were like they were in the '70s and '80s." Uh, you mean the '70s and '80s?
-on the phone, 12/18/09

"I wanna watch Letterman. I don't have time to have a fuckin' stroke with you tonight."
-to my hypochondriac and paranoid brother, who, as he so often does, thought he was surely about to have a stroke, 11/09

"If someone's mean and uptight, a little stroke will fuckin' settle 'em down a bit."
-to Jord, again, because he's worried he's having a stroke, 11/09

"Dude if I have a fuckin' stroke, I'm not gonna care because I'm not gonna know what's goin' on anyway."
-responding to Jord upon being accused of making fun of strokes, 11/09

"As long as you take vitamins, alcohol can't do anything to you. Except make you stronger." And later: "It's great to carry an extra 10-20 pounds in case you have a bout with cancer."
-11/09

"I don't have the patience to read a book. I can't even read this bill." -at a restaurant, followed by Jord: "I haven't read a book in years."

"When we lived in Columbiana, I grew this pot plant on the back porch and my mom thought it was a marigold. It got so high I had to cut it down, dry it out and smoke it. I put it on my car once--I'd just gotten my car repainted and waxed. I put it on top and took a picture. Because I liked my car too."
-12/18/09

"Real bullets can kill people, man."
-12/18/09, to Jordan

"I was going to give you money, but I knew you'd just use it to buy alcohol. So I bought you some alcohol."
-12/24/09, Dad to me, on my Christmas present

Me: "Do we have anything that's sugar-free AND caffeine-free?"
Dad: "To eat, or to drink?"
-12/25/09

Dad, on phone to me 3/14/10: "Aunt Penny had some religious vision and went to Israel for ten days with a lady rabbi from Mount Vernon."

Not-so-implausible dream jobs/gigs

-travel writer

-comedy show writer/creator

-weekly newspaper columnist

-club/event promoter

-celebrity interviewer

-still plastic surgery consultant or modeling/talent scout

My Zen reminders

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

-"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus

-How I Met Your Mother

-Brittney Hansen's life philosophy

"Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble

Things I'm thankful for back in Ohio

This one's a little harder, but there are plenty to choose from.

-free places to stay
-all the amazing food I can eat
-warmth
-family who, while they might hate each other, all relate to me in their own ways
-my wonderful friends stateside
-the four fabulous kitties at my dad's who make me so happy
-easy access to Mexican food
-being able to buy Munich-brewed beers and drink them on the couch
-multi-channel television
-holiday feasts and gatherings
-being able to share my adventures
-big, comfortable beds
-my mom's beautifully ornamented Christmas tree (including the Vienna 2007 ornament I brought back when I lived there)
-the cute little Christmas tree my brother set up and decorated at my dad's house
-being able to drive!!
-jamming out to the radio while driving!
-eating all I can for free
-doing laundry for free
-being able to meet up with friends I haven't seen in a long time
-ample time to relax and figure things out
-possibilities

Dream jobs

video vixen

professional happy hour attender

cat social worker

plastic surgery consultant (I am very good at pointing out exactly what's flawed about a person's appearance)

modeling scout (see previous)

Things I'm thankful for from my Munich/Vienna trip

Things I’m thankful for about this trip:

lockers in train stations
boys who carry my heavy bags
no open-container law
Weissbier/Hefeweizen
friends I can stay with
Hiro’s phone
meeting Hiro
Hiro’s generosity
Kaesekrainer Hot Dogs
Punsch und Gluehwein
Christkindlmaerkte
Viennese accents
Christine, Jordan, and Melissa
their tea
their flashlight
their food
their Prosecco
their generosity
their desire to spend lots of time with me
gently falling snow
Bussi from Melissa
how excited Melissa was to see me
how nice Christine is and how much she cares
Uno und Spongebob spielen
nostalgia
beautiful architecture
das erste Bezirk
new experiences that, while not particularly my cup of tea, made me more aware and well-rounded (i.e., whorehouse)
getting hit on
how much my friends back home missed me
peoples’ excitement for me
living fast and by the seat of my pants and in the moment, thus not ruminating on shit of the past
jeans tucked into high boots
my new coat
my other bar/club conquests
my boldness
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
seeing how boys live
making boy friends
getting more comfortable around boys
David
HP
free Wi Fi
being able to show Ty around my old haunts
Renee
planning my next steps in life
free drinks
being able to spend money on going out because I’m not paying rent
the Thai restaurant in Munich
Wiener Deewan
Taschentuecher
feeling progress with my German
being told my German is good
Melissa’s progress in English
how pretty she is!
feigning confidence until I feel it
developing socially in new/different circles
setting off independently and getting around on my own
getting more interpersonal experience to continue teaching me the big life lesson that I can’t change people
Eleanor
Brittney
teaching myself to live by Brittney’s religion of believing you deserve great things and that great things will come when they are supposed to
the hilarious story of my Christmas mugs and umbrella being in Zsolt’s apartment
the crazy coincidence of going out at Alser Strasse
the crazy coincidence of Ty coming to Vienna
crazy coincidences period
The world is open to me. It can be terrifying if I approach it as something that is terrifying. It can be Sturm-und-Drang if I approach it as something that is Sturm-und-Drang. It can be amazing, exciting and fulfilling if I approach it as something that is amazing, exciting and fulfilling.
the influence of being around/talking to people who demand what they want and what they believe they deserve

Things I know for sure

Things I Know for Sure

-You can’t always choose the things that happen in your life, but you can choose the things that you let define you.

-The most unsuccessful—and therefore frustrating—thing you can ever do is try to change a person to your liking, or manipulate circumstances to your liking. These things are like a bar of soap; clutch them too closely and they will fly even farther out of your reach. Plus, because we can only see the past and present, we don’t know what people or circumstances will be best for us in the long run.

-You can never let another person determine your mood. You can never let another person determine how you feel about yourself. People are fickle, and you never know what’s playing a role in their attitudes at any given moment.

-There is such a thing as too much introspection if it’s negatively focused. Investigate until you learn something that you can use constructively. Introspection and analysis are tools for getting to a better place than where you are.

-No matter how desperately you want it, you can’t just get your destiny; you have to get to it. The more desperate you are to just “collect” it already, the further off course you get, because you’re choosing to focus on the distraction of impatience instead of focusing on the next steps life is revealing to you.

-It really isn’t wise to take anything personally, because nothing is purely personal. Other peoples’ actions and choices are less about you and more about them and their current state of affairs.

-The only constant in this world is change.

-“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” -Anais Nin

-“When you’re trying to be something you’re not, you’re always going to fail.” -Anonymous. And thank God for that. It’s a blessing that we can’t get away with lying to ourselves about who we are.

-The law of attraction rules just about everything.

-It’s not always prudent to draw associations or determine cause/effect relationships or patterns. Sometimes, a situation is only itself, and nothing else.

-“You can be anywhere when your life begins.” Or, in the words of Paulo Coelho, “…people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”

-There’s a she wolf in the closet; let it out so it can breathe.

These are a few of my favorite things

Munich :)))))
Bayern as a whole
Altstaedte (old towns)
sunny days
going for long, aimless walks
introspection and internal monologues
internal monologues that quickly turn into outwardly talking to myself
Swedish fish but only the large ones. The smaller ones that come in big bags have a craptastic coating.
German
Germany omg i miss it
living in Europe omg i miss it
the Alps...specifically the Bavarian Alps
trainrides through said mountains
soulgasms brought on by literature, art, and ideas
the Jazz Age
randomness
ridiculousness
analyzing
the sky
children
Bavarian and Austrian children
cats
small dogs that look like cats
small dogs wearing sweaters and coats
animals in general
comedy a la Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Office, The Royal Tenenbaums, and 30 Rock
taking absurd amounts of photos
drinking absurd amounts of water
eating absurd amounts of food, especially Mexican and Thai
dresses omg
shoes
metallic colors
metallic colored shoes
soul connections
sleeping deeply
dreaming vividly
psychological exploration
ducks
squirrels
farce
absurdity