Todd-isms. Because the shit my dad says is priceless.

I should've set up a database to record these ages ago.

"I miss those days when things were like they were in the '70s and '80s." Uh, you mean the '70s and '80s?
-on the phone, 12/18/09

"I wanna watch Letterman. I don't have time to have a fuckin' stroke with you tonight."
-to my hypochondriac and paranoid brother, who, as he so often does, thought he was surely about to have a stroke, 11/09

"If someone's mean and uptight, a little stroke will fuckin' settle 'em down a bit."
-to Jord, again, because he's worried he's having a stroke, 11/09

"Dude if I have a fuckin' stroke, I'm not gonna care because I'm not gonna know what's goin' on anyway."
-responding to Jord upon being accused of making fun of strokes, 11/09

"As long as you take vitamins, alcohol can't do anything to you. Except make you stronger." And later: "It's great to carry an extra 10-20 pounds in case you have a bout with cancer."
-11/09

"I don't have the patience to read a book. I can't even read this bill." -at a restaurant, followed by Jord: "I haven't read a book in years."

"When we lived in Columbiana, I grew this pot plant on the back porch and my mom thought it was a marigold. It got so high I had to cut it down, dry it out and smoke it. I put it on my car once--I'd just gotten my car repainted and waxed. I put it on top and took a picture. Because I liked my car too."
-12/18/09

"Real bullets can kill people, man."
-12/18/09, to Jordan

"I was going to give you money, but I knew you'd just use it to buy alcohol. So I bought you some alcohol."
-12/24/09, Dad to me, on my Christmas present

Me: "Do we have anything that's sugar-free AND caffeine-free?"
Dad: "To eat, or to drink?"
-12/25/09

Dad, on phone to me 3/14/10: "Aunt Penny had some religious vision and went to Israel for ten days with a lady rabbi from Mount Vernon."