Sage advice from Brittney

8:55 AM everything shapes you so that way when you find what you really want, you're ready
8:57 AM hmmm i need to go shopping
i need to find a coat
and new jeans
and get paid
8:58 AM me: are you sure things dont just fuck you up and cripple you emotionally, preventing you from ever getting what you want?
lol
Brittney: nah.. i think that when you find it, you know
8:59 AM me: what if youve already found it, had it, and it didnt work out but instead ended disastrously
Brittney: then it wasn't it
9:00 AM me: be my life coach
9:01 AM Brittney: haha
you just need to find a nice guy, in a place where you want to be, who you can date a little to see if you like him first
9:02 AM me: :(
i put so much pressure on situations so fast
9:03 AM Brittney: yeah slow down, enjoy it a little me: i never give myself time to see if i like someone, i just push to see if they like me
slow down, you crazy child
ah
9:04 AM Brittney: yeah don't do that
me: i feel like if i dont push situations, nothing will ever happen
9:06 AM Brittney: yeah it will, you just have to give it time
and then it's better9:07 AM me: true cause when you know somethings happened because youve basically forced it, its hard to enjoy it
ps youve become my new religious views
9:08 AM they change every few days
Brittney: exactly, it's a lot better if it happens on it's own
9:10 AM me: and it will???
Brittney: yeah and if it doesn't, then it's not supposed to9:11 AM me: so im supposed to be alone?
Brittney: enjoy the surprise of it all :) it's much more gratifying than forcing things to happen
no, but sometimes we have to be alone for a while
me: its been a while
9:12 AM Brittney: but you haven't given this chill out relaxed approach a chance :)
9:13 AM me: true
its not in my nature
Brittney: yeah
9:14 AM me: but you can work at it??
9:15 AM Brittney: yeah a little
me: i feel like im in a similar situation as the last one that made me miserable
9:16 AM where theres a crush but i dont actually want to be with the person
Brittney: then why waste your time?
me: but i like force things just so i can feel bad when they dont work out
because stressing out over dead ends appeals to me?
Brittney: hmm not exciting ;)
9:18 AM me: so your life advice
1) make myself chill the fuck out
9:19 AM 2) wait for things to happen
Brittney: yep
believe that good things will happen to you
don't rush
pretty much what i live by ;)
me: believe huh?
9:25 AM Brittney: yep
me: how long have you believed that
9:26 AM Brittney: i don't know.. always?
you have to believe that you deserve something great
9:27 AM because if you don't believe that, it will be harder for others to
9:28 AM me: see this is like so counterintuitive for me
but i know youre right
im just wondering why i did not grow up with this
Brittney: i have no idea
9:29 AM me: when i have conversations like this where people tell me what seems so obvious i feel like a retarded person
9:30 AM Brittney: nah
it's hard
9:31 AM me: i really appreciate you talking me thru my crazy
9:32 AM slash putting up with it
Brittney: no problem

My Zen reminders

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

-"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus

-How I Met Your Mother

-Brittney Hansen's life philosophy

"Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble

Things I know for sure

Things I Know for Sure

-You can’t always choose the things that happen in your life, but you can choose the things that you let define you.

-The most unsuccessful—and therefore frustrating—thing you can ever do is try to change a person to your liking, or manipulate circumstances to your liking. These things are like a bar of soap; clutch them too closely and they will fly even farther out of your reach. Plus, because we can only see the past and present, we don’t know what people or circumstances will be best for us in the long run.

-You can never let another person determine your mood. You can never let another person determine how you feel about yourself. People are fickle, and you never know what’s playing a role in their attitudes at any given moment.

-There is such a thing as too much introspection if it’s negatively focused. Investigate until you learn something that you can use constructively. Introspection and analysis are tools for getting to a better place than where you are.

-No matter how desperately you want it, you can’t just get your destiny; you have to get to it. The more desperate you are to just “collect” it already, the further off course you get, because you’re choosing to focus on the distraction of impatience instead of focusing on the next steps life is revealing to you.

-It really isn’t wise to take anything personally, because nothing is purely personal. Other peoples’ actions and choices are less about you and more about them and their current state of affairs.

-The only constant in this world is change.

-“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” -Anais Nin

-“When you’re trying to be something you’re not, you’re always going to fail.” -Anonymous. And thank God for that. It’s a blessing that we can’t get away with lying to ourselves about who we are.

-The law of attraction rules just about everything.

-It’s not always prudent to draw associations or determine cause/effect relationships or patterns. Sometimes, a situation is only itself, and nothing else.

-“You can be anywhere when your life begins.” Or, in the words of Paulo Coelho, “…people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”

-There’s a she wolf in the closet; let it out so it can breathe.

Gchat excerpts (or, my thoughts on settling down)

i stare at babies with the same longing you feel when you stare at my ass.

thats a new user ecard on someecards and its soooo true

the impulsive part of me wants to get married and have babies right frickin now

i dont know why i can so easily not want to commit to a place or a job, yet i latch on to a guy tooth and nail

why am i putting all my eggs in one basket

fuck egg collecting

i am gonna start throwing my eggs at a large volume of men

Expectations vs. Standards

I've been doing a lot of emotional work lately with regard to relationships...which of course ultimately comes down to doing a lot of emotional work within myself. A lot. More than I've done in years. And it's been hell, but clearly so very necessary.

Any reputable person will tell you not to settle for--or even put up with--someone who isn't worth your time. Any reputable person will tell you to believe that you are deserving of good things and good people who treat you well, and to only pursue those things and people that make you better. However, any reputable person will also be the first to tell you that you cannot place expectations on other people; that you can expect things only from yourself. This seeming hypocrisy is something I've struggled with for as long as I've held conscious thoughts.

How can you demand the best without being demanding? How can you go out in the world--and into your relationships--believing that you deserve good things, but without carrying around a sense of entitlement?

I think this is where it's critical to recognize the difference between having expectations and having standards. For example:

You can't expect a person you are dating/married to/whatever to act in any certain way and not act in certain other ways. You can, however, make a rule for yourself stipulating that you will not have, as a partner, someone who cheats, lies, steals, wears stripes with polka-dots, etc.

You can’t expect anyone but you to make you happy. But you can have a standard for yourself that says, “if person x in my life is behaving in a way that I find upsetting or disappointing or [insert some other negative adjective here], then it is my responsibility to myself to evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not I want to keep person x in my life.”

Personal responsibility--it's something that I have to remind myself of again and again. But I've found it's been the times when I've expected (consciously or unconsciously) someone or something outside of myself to make me feel a given way--well, those are the times when I've experienced the hardest knocks.