It's not just unfair to yourself to stay hung up on an ex; it's also hugely unfair to other people who come into your life, people who might be looking for just you. You know your ex has made a definitive choice to go, but you don't know who might be waiting to make the choice to come in or stay. Let the door be closed. Give them the uncompromising exit they asked for. "If they're dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them go."

Top However-Many-I-Come-Up-With: Worst Places to Propose

1) a funeral

2) from the bed of the person you just got caught cheating with

3) the free clinic after your tests came back positive

4) anywhere within 20 feet of a port-a-potty, or the stench of one

5) the morgue

6) at an AshleeSimpson/HilaryDuff/RyanCabrera concert. because seriously, why would you ever go to any of those?

7) on Twitter

8) inside Planned Parenthood

9) on a Bachelor/Bachelorette reunion episode

10) inside the chalk outline of a murder scene

11) at an exorcism

12) at a speed-dating event

Sage advice from Brittney

8:55 AM everything shapes you so that way when you find what you really want, you're ready
8:57 AM hmmm i need to go shopping
i need to find a coat
and new jeans
and get paid
8:58 AM me: are you sure things dont just fuck you up and cripple you emotionally, preventing you from ever getting what you want?
lol
Brittney: nah.. i think that when you find it, you know
8:59 AM me: what if youve already found it, had it, and it didnt work out but instead ended disastrously
Brittney: then it wasn't it
9:00 AM me: be my life coach
9:01 AM Brittney: haha
you just need to find a nice guy, in a place where you want to be, who you can date a little to see if you like him first
9:02 AM me: :(
i put so much pressure on situations so fast
9:03 AM Brittney: yeah slow down, enjoy it a little me: i never give myself time to see if i like someone, i just push to see if they like me
slow down, you crazy child
ah
9:04 AM Brittney: yeah don't do that
me: i feel like if i dont push situations, nothing will ever happen
9:06 AM Brittney: yeah it will, you just have to give it time
and then it's better9:07 AM me: true cause when you know somethings happened because youve basically forced it, its hard to enjoy it
ps youve become my new religious views
9:08 AM they change every few days
Brittney: exactly, it's a lot better if it happens on it's own
9:10 AM me: and it will???
Brittney: yeah and if it doesn't, then it's not supposed to9:11 AM me: so im supposed to be alone?
Brittney: enjoy the surprise of it all :) it's much more gratifying than forcing things to happen
no, but sometimes we have to be alone for a while
me: its been a while
9:12 AM Brittney: but you haven't given this chill out relaxed approach a chance :)
9:13 AM me: true
its not in my nature
Brittney: yeah
9:14 AM me: but you can work at it??
9:15 AM Brittney: yeah a little
me: i feel like im in a similar situation as the last one that made me miserable
9:16 AM where theres a crush but i dont actually want to be with the person
Brittney: then why waste your time?
me: but i like force things just so i can feel bad when they dont work out
because stressing out over dead ends appeals to me?
Brittney: hmm not exciting ;)
9:18 AM me: so your life advice
1) make myself chill the fuck out
9:19 AM 2) wait for things to happen
Brittney: yep
believe that good things will happen to you
don't rush
pretty much what i live by ;)
me: believe huh?
9:25 AM Brittney: yep
me: how long have you believed that
9:26 AM Brittney: i don't know.. always?
you have to believe that you deserve something great
9:27 AM because if you don't believe that, it will be harder for others to
9:28 AM me: see this is like so counterintuitive for me
but i know youre right
im just wondering why i did not grow up with this
Brittney: i have no idea
9:29 AM me: when i have conversations like this where people tell me what seems so obvious i feel like a retarded person
9:30 AM Brittney: nah
it's hard
9:31 AM me: i really appreciate you talking me thru my crazy
9:32 AM slash putting up with it
Brittney: no problem

Expectations vs. Standards

I've been doing a lot of emotional work lately with regard to relationships...which of course ultimately comes down to doing a lot of emotional work within myself. A lot. More than I've done in years. And it's been hell, but clearly so very necessary.

Any reputable person will tell you not to settle for--or even put up with--someone who isn't worth your time. Any reputable person will tell you to believe that you are deserving of good things and good people who treat you well, and to only pursue those things and people that make you better. However, any reputable person will also be the first to tell you that you cannot place expectations on other people; that you can expect things only from yourself. This seeming hypocrisy is something I've struggled with for as long as I've held conscious thoughts.

How can you demand the best without being demanding? How can you go out in the world--and into your relationships--believing that you deserve good things, but without carrying around a sense of entitlement?

I think this is where it's critical to recognize the difference between having expectations and having standards. For example:

You can't expect a person you are dating/married to/whatever to act in any certain way and not act in certain other ways. You can, however, make a rule for yourself stipulating that you will not have, as a partner, someone who cheats, lies, steals, wears stripes with polka-dots, etc.

You can’t expect anyone but you to make you happy. But you can have a standard for yourself that says, “if person x in my life is behaving in a way that I find upsetting or disappointing or [insert some other negative adjective here], then it is my responsibility to myself to evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not I want to keep person x in my life.”

Personal responsibility--it's something that I have to remind myself of again and again. But I've found it's been the times when I've expected (consciously or unconsciously) someone or something outside of myself to make me feel a given way--well, those are the times when I've experienced the hardest knocks.